Stories from The Headless Chicken – 1

A lot can change in two hundred years. Customs change, fashions change, laws change and even governments come and go. Place names don’t change so much but they can be corrupted over time. In the Twenty-third Century Bardstown Road remains, more or less. The pavement laid down in the 20th Century and last repaired in the 21st Century had crumbled to gravel, but it was still good enough to carry the freight traffic from the Kentucky pot plantations, north to barges on the Ohio River.

The old Bardstown Road now goes by the name Badtown Road. Nobody knew what a bard was anyway, but they did know bad when they saw it.

During the Whiskey War of 2137, the invasion by the People’s Islamic Republic of Alabama into central Kentucky was stopped and beaten back after three days and three nights of nonstop fighting at My Old Kentucky Home Park. The battle was won when the Kentucky Militia duct-taped sticks of dynamite to Heaven Hill Bourbon barrels and catapulted them to explode over the heads of the advancing Alabama Islamic invaders. Their battle cries of “Death to Christians” were silenced that night.

That Kentucky Regiment was evermore remembered as the “Bourbon Boys” and the final battle was known as the “Night of the Flaming Muslims”. Go meet your Maker, bastards, and don’t come back!

The Battle of Bardstown gave the place a reputation for being a bad ass town. Bardtown road’s name changed to Badasstown Road briefly before it was shortened to Badtown Road. That name stuck.

I am called The Historian. I do most of my best work sitting in a roadhouse tavern named The Headless Chicken off Badtown Road, on the outskirts of West Weasley.



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